These Advice given by My Dad That Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You are not in a good spot. You require support. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up among men, who still internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a break - taking a short trip away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."